Dreaming dreams once again

As 2012 comes to a close, I've been reflecting upon the past year of glancing at where God has done some absolutely amazing things for me and in me.  I think in all honesty that probably for those of us that are structured, driven and are determined perhaps find ourselves more into record keeping, reflecting and measuring our progress.  I love numbers and I thoroughly enjoy journaling whether it be my praises to God and my prayers or writing about my latest mission accomplished with moving my body. 

I sat down late yesterday afternoon with my running journal and was truly amazed at what God had done through me and my body once again.  The miles that I had logged with the goal I had sat for myself 12/31/2011 after having ran only 11 months, and how far I had surpassed my goal.  The # of times I spent at the gym, in the pool, miles ridden on my bike, or hiking in the great outdoors with my husband or a friend.  To reflect upon the fat cells turning into muscle and the gaining of strength even though I have a long way to go, truly blows me away.  And quickly, NO I have no desire to be a muscle builder, are you kidding me????!!!!

To reflect upon the races that I had ran in 2012 vs 2011, the new pr's I sat for myself as each time I run a race it is about me and using others to make me be better.  There is such a sweet flip side to this as well, because racing allows me to be used to cause others to reach new goals and pr's as well.  This is a wonderful journey that God has me on and the competition always lies within me not between me and others.  I love that!!!

So I begin 2013 with some dreams that are much MUCH bigger than me.  Dreams that scare me to death, dreams that are far out of my reach alone, dreams that actually make me nervous and anxious right now just thinking them.  As I sat this morning, quietly, reflecting and working on my Sunday School lesson it sparked and lit a fire in me that while I am doing this afraid, I am going to do this!!  I am going to see 26.2 in 2013, I just know it!  It may not be pretty, it may not be a BQ[(who am I kidding??!!! ], I will have to walk, it may be one of the slowest 26.2's ever, but God and I will see it to fruition!

"If you've never had a God-sized dream that scared you half to death, then you haven't really come to life.  If you've never been overwhelmed by the impossibility of your plans, then your God is too small.  If your vision isn't perplexingly impossible, then you need to expand the radiuses of your prayer circles."  quoted from The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson as well as my next paragraph. 

"A big dream is simultaneously the best feeling and worst feeling in the world.  It's exhilarating because it's beyond your ability; it's frightening for the same exact reason.  So if you are going to dream big, you have to manage the emotional tension.  Facing your fears is the beginning of the battle. Then you have to circle them over and over again.    Have you ever felt like your dream was too big for you?"

Knowing that I had this desire was one thing, but then when I began to share it with Bill and the circle started growing due to sharing my dream of 26.2 with others, I began to honestly be scared to death.    Then I ran 18.5 miles with my friend on Maui back the first of November and thought, wow this can be a reality.  Yeah, right!  It was 70 degrees, lush and green, my body didn't hurt because of the cold, and I was running with a friend that had the same hunger to see these kinds of miles. 

Almost two months later, it is brown, vegetation is pretty much dormant, the winter season is now upon us, I often run solo, and it is COLD back in Kansas. I ran just this week when it was 1 degree and zero wind for 5 miles! I am getting ready to bundle up right now and hope for 5 miles and it isn't much warmer:  16 degrees, 6 mph winds and a windchill of 10.  I live miles & miles from any type of a marathon race and so friends have shared with me that they will help me realize 26.2 right here at home in 2013!  Running a portion to make up the total of 26.2 for me so I am not running it alone.  The cool thing is that I am never running alone, God is always with me, but an added blessing is that others desire to share in my dream and help me attain my goals.  Who knows, I may even be able to travel to a Marathon race and run this distance more than once in 2013!!  :-)

So I am expanding the radius of my prayer circle and know that with God anything is possible.